So, yeah. I live. Not that anyone on here really reads my journals. XD But whatever.

Anywayyyyy. This is kind of a long-ish one. :33

I had an... epiphany, I guess you'd call it. I realized something that I should have realized a LOT sooner. I am a hoooorrrriiibbbllleee person. The worst to ever walk the earth. I'm selfish, stupid, horrid, mean, this, that, and the other fucking thing. I take everything I have for granted, like my friends.

I just... assume that they'll always be there for me, but I know that that's not true.

And I'm WAY too sensitive. The littlest if things can send me off into a spiraling depression. Of course, other things happen too, but... yeeaahh.

The point is, I really don't deserve the friends I have, they're fucking fantastic and I don't know how they can stand to be around me without wanting to kill themselves. Or me. And if I didn't need them so fucking much, then I'd let them go, so they wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. But as I said, I'm selfish, and I just can't do that...

I have to change. Start over... But to be completely honest, I don't know how. I've obviously been a horrid person for so long that... I don't know what to do about it. I talk about myself way too much, I guess... But, I didn't used to. Really.

It's just been lately, so much shit's been going on lately in my life that I just have to let it out, even if it's in the form of complaining about something I don't really care about all that much, as long as I can get someone to show me they care, 'cause I've been needing that lately.

Okay, so, it's not really that so much shit has been going on, it's more like... everything bad that has ever happened in my life at any point in time is finally hitting me. I used to block it all out, because I didn't think my friends cared about my problems, but now I know that they do, I think, and I'm using it to my advantage.

But, enough of my self-pity/pounding rant. What I'm really trying to say is... Bye?

I won't be me the next time I post on here. I'm going to change. Hopefully for the better.

And to any of my friends who read this (and someone who used to be my friend that I want to be my friend again that is hopefully reading this right now 'cause it's a long drawn out form of an apology) thank you soooo much with putting up for me. I'm sooo sorry!